Tuesday, 21 November 2006

5 weeks and 3 days

Still very excited although it's killing me not being able to tell anyone. I nearly told my dad at the weekend, had Ben's sister and her husband both ask me whether I was pregnant (because I wasn't drinking) and so had to lie, and so many times I've nearly said something about pregnancy at work.

I've bought books and yoga videos already, and have had my free mum-to-be bag from Lloyd's Pharmacy, and feel a bit like I've joined an exclusive club. Most of my waking hours have been spent on the internet reading everything I can and looking at maternity clothes - very excited that this means a whole new wardrobe.

The excitement is mixed up with a real fear that washes over me like a cold wave that the fibroid is going to cause problems, or even that I have had a missed miscarriage and wouldn't even know about it. It's pretty horrible.

We went to the doctor on Friday to register my pregnancy, and she asked me to call her when I'm 12 weeks gone in order that she can schedule me in with a consultant obstetrician - reading between the lines I think I'm a high risk pregnancy because of the fibroid.

So I'm swinging from being thrilled and over-excited to not counting my chickens and trying to pragmatic and cool about it all. But really, it's like saying I haven't revised before an exam because when I'm out of the danger zone I'll be telling everyone I come into contact with. And the likelihood is that I'll be fine. I'm sure all women in the early stages feel this way - it is a bit of a comfort to know that whatever you go through in life someone will have been through the same.

Fingers crossed.
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